I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
