that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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