I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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