Already got asked if we're dating
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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