9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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