theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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