What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
