I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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