Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize