VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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