Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
