If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
