3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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