get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
