Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
