brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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