just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
