I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
