Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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