worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
