When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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