i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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