my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
