So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
