Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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