im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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