I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
