First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
