We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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