Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
