I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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