smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
