Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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