i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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