I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
organizing the empties. That sober.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
