Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
