I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
