We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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