You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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