I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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