I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize