We won't sleep together?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
