he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I intend to get homeless drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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