i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
