i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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