And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
