He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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