covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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