who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
