no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
