We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
