How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
