I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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