dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
