I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
