Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
