i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
