pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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