Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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