i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
