So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
