theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
