So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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