I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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