I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
