And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
