I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
