The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
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he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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