my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Actions speak louder than pants.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
