Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
