had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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