i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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