Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
